According
to the American Psychiatric Association, approximately three to five percent of
the American are sociopaths, with three of every 100 males and one of every 100
females exhibiting sociopathic tendencies. Harvard psychologist, Dr. Martha
Stout, in her book The Sociopath Next Door, estimates that one in 25
Americans is a sociopath, or has an anti-social personality disorder.
Chew on those statistics for a moment
while I describe, from a layman’s point of view, just what a sociopath is, and
how you can recognize when you encounter or observe one in action.
One of the most prominent traits of a
sociopath is a flagrant disregard for the rights of others. Dominating or
prevailing over others is a driving force in a sociopath’s life. They lack
empathy and conscience, and enjoy the feeling of power and control over others.
Sociopaths are glib, and what they say is
mostly, or in some instances totally, fabricated. They make big promises,
really grandiose promises, with no basis in fact, and no planning or experience
to back them up. They prone to use of extreme language, both positive and
negative. To sociopaths, everything they do or say is HUGE, EXCELLENT, or
PERFECT (and, I put these words in all-caps, because when they write, that’s
what they often do for emphasis).
Sociopaths are consistent only in their
obsession with themselves. They can be ebullient one minute, and venomous the
next, and whenever they’re challenges on their misdeeds, they portray
themselves as victims to play on the sentiments of often naïve observers.
The words and deeds of a sociopath seldom
match. They are, in their own opinion, always blameless for whatever goes
wrong, and NEVER apologize, even when caught in the act.
One of the most critical problems with
sociopaths is that, according to Dr. Matthew J. Edmund, in a February 9, 2017
article in ‘Psychology Today,’ Americans don’t just like sociopaths, they
actually admire them. It seems that love of this type of personality is
hardwired into our national culture. For the amoral person, there are no rules
he or she is bound to obey unless it gives them some advantage. They are enamored
by the feeling of unlimited power over others; they love to dominate, and be
admired, and can become very ugly whenever they sense that they are not being
admired.
So, think about that the next time you’re
walking in your peaceful suburban neighborhood, riding the subway, or watching
some notable bloviating on TV. Do you find yourself attracted and uneasy at the
same time at the behavior of others? If so, you’re probably in the presence,
real or electronic, of a sociopath.
Now, the majority of sociopaths are more
annoying than dangerous, but that depends on what their relationship is to you.
If you’re in a personal relationship with one, neither confrontation or
cowering works. Confronting them is like arguing with a stupid person. They
will pull you down to their level and overwhelm you with their skill. If you
cower, you’re only feeding their ego. The best way is to quietly disengage and
relocate. If, on the other hand, the sociopath has some control over your life
because he or she occupies a position of power, you’re in a world of hurt.
Politicians can theoretically be voted out of office, but that requires a
sufficient number of voters to put their admiration aside and do the sane
thing. If they’re a bureaucrat who has the power over your promotion, pay, or
position, you could try going to human resources, but proving an actionable
case against such people is often impossible. In extremis, you could consider
getting a new job, or if you’re old enough, retiring.
I’d like to be able to say that I have the
answers you need to survive a sociopathic encounter, but until enough people in
the United States wake up and realize that adoration of sociopathy is a
double-edged sword. As long as you’re satisfying a sociopath’s ego, you’ll probably
stay in the good graces, but never forget, things can change on a dime. An
innocent remark or act on your part can trigger a negative reaction, and all
your past adoration will be instantly forgotten.
In closing, something I heard as a child
comes to mind that should never be forgotten: ‘When you sleep with dogs, you
wake up with fleas.”
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