Saturday, December 21, 2013

Grump's Christmas Carols


It’s four days until Christmas Day, and the weather here in suburban Maryland has taken a big left turn. This morning, the temperature had risen high enough that I was able to sit on my deck with my friend Grump (a distant relative of Dr. Seuss’s Grinch), drinking hot cocoa, and watching a squirrel do some last minute nut hunting for the coming winter. The snow is almost completely melted – except for a few stubborn clumps of ice here and there – so, I think a White Christmas is out of the question. Grump doesn’t mind – he hates Christmas almost as much as his relative does. I’m no big fan of Christmas myself, and I absolutely hate winter because the cold causes my arthritic joints to ache, but I do believe in being happy, and trying to spread happiness wherever and whenever I can. So, as we sipped the nice hot cocoa that my wife was kind enough to make for us, I decided to try to wipe that scowl off Grinch’s face by penning a couple of carols that I felt were sure to cheer even him up.
 “Hey, Grump,” I said. “What do you think of this one?”

 “I’m dreaming of a warm Christmas 
Just like the ones I used to know. 
When barefoot and in short pants 
We played in the warming glow 
Of the morning sunshine 
On the East Texas hillsides, 
Watching the lazy river flow. 
I’m dreaming of a warm Christmas 
As ice piles up on my driveway. 
I feel that I really must say, 
I wish for a warm Christmas Day.” 

“Hmph,” Grump growled. “You know it’ll be below freezing on Christmas Day, and there’s likely to be sleet. Your driveway will be like a skating rink, and you’ll probably fall again and break your other hip.” “Aw, come on,” I persisted. “It’s not all that bad. How about another carol?” ]

“Icy sidewalks, slippery sidewalks 
And the cold arctic wind; 
Is this truly the meaning of Christmas? 
Throngs of shoppers 
Grasping madly 
For those last minute gifts; 
Is this truly the meaning of Christmas?” 

 “Oh, knock it off,” Grump said, scowling. “You know it is the true meaning of Christmas nowadays. Everyone’s scrambling to get more and more gifts, stores are having sales like there’s no tomorrow, politicians are getting ready to go home to their constituents and try to fool them into thinking they’re really here in Washington looking after their interests – don’t try to cheer me up, ‘cause it ain’t gonna happen.” “Well,” I said. “It would be nice if people truly believed it’s a time for sharing and spreading joy. In fact, it would be nice if we had Christmas every day of the year, don’t you think?”
 “Hmph,” Grump growled, and took another sip of his cocoa. “At least the cocoa’s good.”